When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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