3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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