listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
