he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
