dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
