My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
