i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
