Can Purell be used as lube?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
