Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
