ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
