omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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