i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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