We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize