I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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