I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
