Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
