know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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