covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
