I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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