i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
