i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
