Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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