If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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