Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
