Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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