Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
