You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
