wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its about making memories worth repressing
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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