I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and she was petting her beer can
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
