your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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