that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
