OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
