My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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