home. puking in laundry basket.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
