Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
