I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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