No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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