You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
