that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
