I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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