a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
