will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
