D3 body, D1 cock
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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