he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
