I'm jealous of your bromance
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
