i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize