the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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