I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
