i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
