she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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