I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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