the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
