what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
