Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
