Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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