dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
