cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I could have mohawked her pubes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
