just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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