People in love make me want to vomit
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
