He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
