my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
