I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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