At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
