Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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