I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
