My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
